Sailor What!
by Avalon Shizuka
Summary: Everyone in the film studio is sick today and the only people left are the Yu Yu Hakusho cast. But the producers need someone to play as the Sailor Scouts. Not really a crossover. Just a screwed up story we decided to write one day.


Hey! This is Avalon and Tony! The fanfic writers! Before we begin, we would like to give you a brief description of ourselves.   
  
Avalon: Avalon is slightly shorter than Yusuke with shoulder-length burnette hair with white bangs. She has voilet eyes and is always having to resolve fights between her annoying and stupid co-workers. She also enjoys a good laugh once in a while.  
  
Tony: Tony is the same height as Hiei (if that's possible) with curly, blonde hair that falls just below her elegant shoulder line. (Avalon: *hack hack*) She wears a tank top and jeans to work every day and would kill anyone that got in the way of her and a chocolate bar. She has bright blue eyes and a perfect figure.....  
  
Avalon: Alright Tony! Don't be so vain!  
  
Tony: I'm not! I'm only repeating what people tell me!  
  
Avalon: Anyway, now to the story.....  
  
Tony: Not before the stupid disclaimers! You can't forget those!  
  
Avalon: Oh...right. We don't own any of the characters from Yu Yu Hakusho, Sailor Moon, Barney, Disney, M&Ms , Tenchi Muyo, Twix or Yu-gi-oh. The only characters that belong to us are Tony and Avalon. And NOW to the story.  
  
A Day in the Studio  
  
Kuwabara: I am not going to wear this skirt!  
  
Avalon: Sorry, the Sailor Moon cast called in sick and you're the only ones who showed up at the studio today.   
  
Kuwabara: Why couldn't you call in Yugi or Tenchi?!  
  
Avalon: Yugi caught a virus and is sneezing all of his hair out! We can't have a bald Sailor Scout! Besides, I can't STAND that baka Tenchi!!   
  
Kurama: Oh come on Kuwabara. These skirts aren't that bad. Actually.... they're kind of comfortable.  
  
Avalon & Kuwabara: 0_o o_0  
  
(Background)  
Tony: Hiei come out of that dressing room NOW!   
  
Hiei: NO! GET AWAY! I"M NOT COMING OUT! THIS IS TOTALLY HUMILIATING! I'M NOT WEARING THIS @#$!% SKIRT! WHAT?! NO! AUGH! LEGGO! LEGGO I SAY! YOU @#%$!  
  
Tony drags a reluctant Hiei into the studio kicking and screaming.   
  
Hiei: This is the most humiliating role I've ever had in my life! RRRGH! Let me go!  
  
Tony: No way! You'd run out the door and we'd never find you again! Besides we didn't have to cast you as Raye....I wanted you to be cast as Rini!   
  
Hiei: You WHAT??!!  
  
Avalon: Yuusuke! Have you put on those meatballs yet?   
  
Tony: What?! You don't even have the meatballs on Yuusuke's head yet?! Do I have to do everything??!! Kuwabara! Get over here and sit on Hiei! I can't hold him for much longer!  
  
Avalon: Okay everyone. Get into your places.  
  
Hiei: No I'm not moving!   
  
Kurama: You cant even if you wanted to. Kuwabara's sitting on you.  
  
Avalon: People! Places! NOW!   
  
*Lights! Camera! Action!*  
  
Yuusuke: (no feeling) I...am...sailor...moon.  
  
Avalon: CUT!   
  
Tony: Yuusuke! More feeling! No monotone!  
  
Yuusuke: Right...  
Action!  
  
Yuusuke: (still with no feeling whatsoever) I...am...sailor...moon. I..will..punish..you.  
CUT!  
  
Tony: Don't make me come out there Urameshi!  
  
Yuusuke: All right! All right! Ill do it!   
ACTION!  
  
Yuusuke: (In his girliest voice) I am Sailor Moon! And in the name of the moon...I will punish you!  
  
*Monster steps onto scene.*   
  
Tony: AUGH! *jumps behind Avalon* What is it??!! Scarred for life! Scarred for life!  
  
*Hiei snickers*  
  
Avalon: You aren't supposed to be wearing a Barney suit!   
  
Janitor #1 in Barney suit: This is the only halfway decent costume I could find in that @!%#$ prop closet.  
  
Avalon: Wait a sec... *runs onto set with a marker and scribbles some fangs onto the costume* That's better! *glows with pride and runs back to camera*  
  
ACTION!  
  
Monster: ROOOAARR!!!!  
Yuusuke: Spirit gun!  
Kurama: Rose whip!  
Kuwabara: Spirit sword!  
Hiei: Black Dragon!  
  
*camera zooms out to show a giant mushroom cloud forming above the stage. camera zooms back in to show a pile of ashes where Barney had been standing a few seconds before.*  
  
Avalon: CUT!!! BREAK!!!  
  
Tony: Well, were down one janitor and one Barney suit.  
  
Yuusuke and Kuwabara go off to get a soda while Kurama observes his new attire in the mirror while spinning around on his toes. Hiei, glance fixated on Tony and her Twix bar, began to drool. Tony notices Hiei out of the corner of her eye and begins to crunch and smack loudly. Hiei finally cracks and pounces on Tony screaming "Gimme the Twix! Gimme the Twix!"  
  
Tony: No! Never! Get offa me you perv!  
  
Avalon: That's enough you two!  
  
Both Hiei and Tony freeze. Tony trying to push Hiei away while Hiei has a firm grip on her wrist that held the tantalizing Twix bar. Just then Kuwabara and Yuusuke walk in and are shocked and horrified at the scene that they beheld.  
  
Kuwabara: UGH! Hiei you sicko! Stop hitting on Tony!   
  
Tony: Kuwabara! Get this #@$%! fire demon offa me!  
  
Hiei: No I want the Twix bar!  
  
Yuusuke and Kurama are falling to their knees in hysterics as Kuwabara pulls the struggling and screaming Hiei off of the beautiful and innocent Tony. *gimme back that keyboard Tony!*  
Avalon looks on in stupefied horror. *I said give it back! Tony reluctantly gives Avalon the keyboard*   
  
Tony: *pant pant* Thank you Kuwabara! YOU get a raise! *Tony turns towards Hiei* As for you...(shoves the rest of the candy bar into her mouth and grins evilly)  
  
Kuwabara: Hah hah! I scored with the girl you were hitting on!  
  
Hiei: (to himself) #@$%.  
  
Avalon: All right people! Back to work!  
  
Back on set...  
  
Tony: This time don't use your real attacks. Use the wands okay?  
  
Yuusuke: I don't want to use this girlish wand! It looks like some cheap Halloween prop from the dollar store.   
  
Avalon: *whispers to Tony* Darn, how did he find out?  
  
Tony: Yuusuke! Have you looked in a mirror?! You in a skirt and have meat balls glued to your head! You look like a freekin idiot! The wand completes the outfit!   
  
Yuusuke: Gee. thanks.   
*everyone else snickers*  
  
Avalon: Janitor number two!   
*comes out in a Mickey Mouse costume*  
*Avalon thinks to herself, "where are they finding these crappy costumes?"*  
  
Tony: Okay Yuusuke. Attack with the Moon Scepter.   
Yuusuke tries to attack with the scepter. He points it at the Mickey and yells, "Moon Scepter Activation!" Nothing happens. Yuusuke repeats himself.   
Yuusuke: Avalon! Tony! Why isn't this thing working?!  
Yuusuke runs up to Mickey and starts beating him with the stick. The rest of the cast stands behind him dumbfounded. Avalon has flames in her eyes.  
  
Avalon: URAMESHI!! You idiot! We add in the special effects later! That's why you are performing against a blue screen!  
  
Yuusuke looks at from the scepter to the beaten mouse lying in a crumpled heap on the floor.   
  
Yuusuke: oops... *sweat drop appears*  
  
Tony: Great. That's two janitors down. I hope this one doesn't sue when he wakes up.  
  
Kurama: IF he wakes up.   
  
Avalon rubs her temples and says, " I think we need another break."   
  
20 minutes later... the whole cast is lounging in the break room. Kuwabara and Yuusuke were trying to count how many tests they had flunked that year. Tony and Hiei were squabbling over a donut until Avalon scrounged up a two-year-old box of chocolates and plopped it in front of them. While the odd pair munched happily away on the chocolates, Avalon stirred up a conversation with Kurama.  
  
Kurama: Avalon, do you think I need more make-up?  
  
Avalon: No, but I think you need to take a shower to wash off all that perfume you put on before the last scene.  
  
Yuusuke: Why'd you do that anyways, Kurama? No one can smell you through the TV.  
  
Avalon: Besides, did you have to pick that awful citrus scent. You smell like the air freshener that they use in public restrooms.  
  
Kurama turns as red as his hair and runs to the showers while Avalon bursts into fits of laughter. As Avalon is wiping the last tear from her eye, Tony and Hiei shout in unison, "Ah! the candy is gone!"  
  
Hiei and Tony begin to search through the cabinets in hopes of finding more candy. When they found nothing, they moved to the couches were Kuwabara and Yuusuke were beginning to talk about the classes they skipped. Hiei shoves them off the couches while Tony begins to pull off the cushions trying to find old M&M's, skittles, or perhaps a piece of gum someone dropped. Finding nothing, they threw everything they were holding down, including Kuwabara and Yuusuke, and stomped back to their seats with scowls on their faces that would make you drop dead with one glance.  
  
Yuusuke: I'm not sure who's worse, Hiei or Tony.  
  
Avalon laughs at how Hiei and Tony are enslaved by sugar.  
  
Avalon: As soon as Kurama gets back, we start again.  
  
Yuusuke: Ahh, man. You mean I have to change back into that skirt?  
  
Avalon: First of all, you shouldn't have changed out of it for a 20-minute break. Second, Kurama likes it, why don't you?  
  
Kurama walks in and says, "Is someone talking about me?"  
  
Tony: Oh joy! Now I get to see you in your kawaii sailor scout outfits again!  
  
Yuusuke, Kuwabara, and Hiei fall over dead. Kurama looks confused.  
  
Tony: *turns to Avalon* Oh! I almost forgot! We need a Sailor Venus for the next scene.  
  
Avalon:*looks like she's ready to kill* No way! I am NOT going to dress up in one of those stupid suits! I don't want to look like these idiots here.  
  
Tony: Come on! It will be fun!  
  
Kurama: This is going to be one heck of an episode.  
  
*Back on stage*  
  
Avalon stands on stage with the rest of the cast ready to kill anyone who makes fun of her Sailor Venus outfit.  
  
Yuusuke: Hey, look on the bright side, at least YOU'RE a girl!  
  
Avalon picks up a boulder she found on stage and chucks it Yuusuke's head barely missing by a few inches.  
  
Tony: *still on sugar high, cries cheerfully from the camera* Ready! Action! ...*pause*.....uh, I said Action! .....*pause*..... Where's the monster?  
  
Kurama: Well, Yuusuke beat one to death and we blew up the other one.   
  
Tony: Oh yeah, crap. I'll go see if I can find a plumber or something.  
The pretty little blonde...(Tony! QUIT! )...the drop-dead gorgeous blonde...(Avalon hits Tony on the head "The now unconscious blonde...")...dashes off the stage and returns a few minutes later with a fat man in overalls and a toilet plunger in his hand.   
  
Avalon: Where'd you find him?  
  
Tony: Well, I was wandering down the halls when I heard this hideous noise. I thought it was a cat dying so I followed the sound and I found him unclogging the shower in that awful smelling bathroom.   
  
Plumber: I was glad to get out of there, I thought the smell would kill me! And I still haven't gotten all of that thick red hair out of the shower drain yet!  
  
Kurama turns red and ducks behind Kuwabara, while the rest of the cast snickers.  
  
Plumber goes into dressing room and returns shortly dressed as an M&M. Hiei's eyes grow to twice their normal size.   
  
Tony: ACTION!   
  
Avalon: Venus love chain..WAAH!!  
  
Hiei barrels through the four "sailor scouts" in front of him, sending them flying in all directions, trying to get to what he thought was a large piece of chocolate ready to be eaten. He pulls out Kurama's rose whip (Kurama: Hey! Watch it!) and begins to chase the screaming M&M around the stage. Tony falls out of her chair rolling with laughter shortly joined by Avalon, Yuusuke, and Kuwabara. The M&M runs through the wall and down the street never to be seen again. Hiei, naturally, would have followed, but Kurama, not wanting to lose his rose whip to a deranged, chocolate possessed, fire demon, grabbed Hiei and snatched the weapon from his hand. Then he dragged Hiei, kicking and screaming like a rabid chipmunk, back to the stage.   
  
Tony: #%@$ you Hiei! Now I have to find another monster!  
  
Kuwabara: Ooh! Hiei! You got your girlfriend mad at you!   
  
Hiei: Baka nigens.  
  
At that moment the ice cream truck goes by, jingling its lovely tune of "Pop goes the weasel." Hiei, mad with the thought of ice cream, grabbed Tony's arm and dragged her out the door saying, "Come on. I need you to buy me some ice cream."   
  
Tony: *angry as an injured hornet* I'M NOT BUYING YOU ANYTHING! YOU CHASED OFF MY LAST MONSTER!  
  
Hiei: I'll get you another monster! We'll just abduct the ice cream man when we're done!  
  
Tony: *starry eyed* Really? You got yourself a deal!  
*door slams*  
Rest of the cast: 0_o (and sweat drop)  
  
Kuwabara: Yup. He's sweet on her all right.   
  
Avalon: Maybe we should call it a day. Oh yeah, and no pay checks for you today. You guys SUCK!   
  
Kuwabara: Hey! Wait a just a #%@$ minute! Tony said I got a raise!  
  
Avalon: You only get a raise if you get PAID!!!  
  
Yuusuke: Fine...whatever. Just help me get these #^@$# meatballs offa my head.   
  
Avalon: Hold still! Kurama, change out of that stupid uniform!   
  
Kurama: But....I like it!  
  
Avalon tries to pull the meat balls off of the stupid and struggling Yuusuke's head, but with no avail.   
  
Avalon: Yuusuke? Who put these #%@^$ things on?   
  
Yuusuke points to Kuwabara.   
  
Avalon: What did you use?  
  
Kuwabara points to a can of Super glue.   
  
Avalon: Kurama, get me a hammer and chisel from the prop closet. This could take awhile.   
  
*hours later*  
  
Hiei and Tony open the door to the studio licking fudge sickles and dragging a dazed and babbling ice cream man behind them.   
  
Tony: Hey! There's no one here! They must have gone home.  
  
Hiei throws the mumbling man back into his truck.   
  
Tony: What should we do now?   
  
A bad thought passed through Hiei's head but he shook it off and gave the ice cream truck a giant shove down the road.   
  
Hiei: Wanna go to the candy store? It's only a couple blocks from here.   
  
Tony: OOH! Can we jump on the rooftops pleez!!!??  
  
Hiei: No.   
  
Tony: You're no fun. *sigh* I guess we have to walk ALL the way then. My feet will be so sore.   
  
Hiei: #%^$@ you. You know I hate it when you pull that damsel in distress crap.  
  
Hiei knelt on the sidewalk as Tony happily climbed up onto his back.   
  
Tony: Oh geez! I'm gonna fall off.   
  
Hiei: You wont if you shut-up and hang on.   
  
Tony: Fine! Just for that comment you're paying this time!  
  
Oh yeah! We originally were going to cast Koenma as Sailor Venus, but he was sent to an asylum for sucking on a pacifier and wearing a Sailor Scout outfit in public.   
  
We also don't have anything against Kurama. (Actually, he's Avalon's fave character), the story just happened to turn out that way.   
  
Please send all comments, complaints, and CANDY! *TONY, IT'S MY LAPTOP!!!!!* to littletoady2000@yahoo.com(Tony's e-mail) or littleyoshi2000@yahoo.com(Avalon's E-mail) 


End file.
